1. Andrea Bates says:

    I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to be tired. I don’t want you to be scared. I do not know you but I want you to be safe and unafraid. I’m thinking about you and anyone else who is terrified to be themselves because of the actions of horrible people in this world. Sending you strength and love.

      • Debra Paron says:

        Love and support to you! I just donated to the Equality Florida gofundme (I am going to put the link as my “website” because I don’t know if it’s allowed in the text field. Maddison, go look at how many people gave and shared! I hope that is some comfort to you <3 *hugs*

      • Eileen Gee says:

        I ditto Andrea! I’m sooo sorry! I love my family who are gay just the same as any other relatives.
        Please stay safe and hopefully the horrible people will stop this B.S. Those poor people in that
        club did not deserve this. It’s dispicable!

  2. finnian says:

    tomorrow is my last day of my junior year of high school. in three months, i will be old enough to go to clubs. many of my friends in my class already can. i’m terrified and angry that we can’t feel safe in spaces that we’ve fought so hard to make for ourselves that are some semblance of safe.
    i’d like to share this with my class. i want everyone to understand the gravity of what happened in orlando to our queer brothers and sisters, and your writing does justice.

  3. Heidi Curtis says:

    I am the mother of a beautiful young gay woman who is thoughtful, sensitive, hilarious, ingenious, inventive, hardworking, tolerant and strong. But this atrocity yesterday uncovered hate so powerful that I actually can feel the opposite of outrage against such violence being stirred among many so called tolerant Americans who are, in fact, anti-gay. I fear for all of us. That judgement against our neighbor, gay or black or Muslim or female or whatever is what we talk about in the news the most. This country was built against all of that, built to be a land where you could choose your religion, choose and not be judged. But we never succeeded. We crammed our religion down your throat. We killed young women by hanging them, who we could prove (HOW?) to be witches. Or worse, we burned them alive. Violence is in our nature and so acceptable that our tolerance is expressed as violence in a culture of gun lovers. NRA members meet in great numbers to discuss their right to bear arms. I believe those who own an assault weapon love the idea that one day they can use it to kill. We gptta protect ourselves against those gays. Those blacks, those Latinos and whoever else bugs us.

    But back to my beautiful daughter who sent me your post and has sent me half a dozen before yours. She sent them to me to help me understand what the LGBT community deals with every day. Send these posts, keep sending them, to everyone you can think of. Because without being made aware of your troubles, your struggles, we will remain ignorant and will follow what the news tells us. Isis, blah blah blah. And by sending your posts the world over, more and more of tolerant human beings will understand that this was a HATE crime. Pure hate. No Isis, no Taliban, no religion. Just HATE and VIOLENCE. That’s where we are in this country. We don’t need to bomb Siria, we need to pay more attention to screening and following the obvious self proclaimed violent American. Those are the scarey ones.

  4. Cheri says:

    Thank you for saying what I can’t articulate right now. I’m tired, too. And scared. And I don’t want to be either.

  5. Teresa says:

    Thank you as a mother of a so who is gay. Thank you. This was exceptionally written and I could hear your heart and a bit of frustration. You shouldn’t have to struggle everyday to be who you are. Again thank you.

  6. Allen Steffl says:

    This resonates with me so much right now. Thank you for saying this, for putting my feelings into words that I can’t type. There are so many things I want to tell you right now, so many emotions I have over this work of art, but I can’t seem to think of a way to translate this feeling into words. So right now, I just want to say:

    Thank you

  7. Claudia says:

    I am so sorry. I am sad, a kind of cloud of it I can’t shake. I’m bi. My teenage daughter is gay, and she cried with fear last night that someone might hurt her just for being gay. What a world. Rest. Regroup.

  8. Joshua Furtado says:

    I’m a 37 year old man and when I was 21 finally came to terms with being gay. My best friend, now former best friend, use to go to the bar with me and I never felt afraid. This was in 2000. Although being gay wasn’t accepted in my state, I didn’t feel afraid to go to a bar. I no longer really go to bars, but I feel for those who do. No one should be afraid to go somewhere in which they should be safe. I’m tired as well, but I will continue to fight. There is so much bigotry in this world, and I will do what I can to stop it. No one of any race, religion, sexual orientation, sexual identity, etc. should be afraid to be themselves. We all deserve to be treated as people, not our identities.

  9. Mary says:

    Madison, your words fully express what I’m feeling in the wake of all the devastation 2016 has brought to our community–both in fictional worlds and the real one. Three months ago, I was in the group of people who felt decimated by the death of Lexa on The 100. I rallied with them to raise money for The Trevor Project as a way of supporting those who were triggered by the fictional death. I listened to people tell me to calm down because it’s “only tv.” I watched people roll their eyes as I mourned a character who felt like she was a part of me.

    And now, three months later, I’m right with you. I’m gay and I’m exhausted. And yesterday as the news was being flooded with information–information that seemed to ignore the community that was targeted–all I could think was “life imitates art.” Months ago, I swore that I would make a difference in the future of LGBTQ media so that it wouldn’t be reflected in the real world. I never imagined something so horrible would happen like the events in Orlando Saturday night. I’m distraught. I don’t know how to grieve for these members of my family who I never had the honor of knowing. I am so damn tired of having to be brave every day just to be who I truly am. And I am so tired of feeling paralyzed by fear for people’s reactions to my LOVE.

    • Maddison Wood
      Maddison Wood says:

      I know exactly what you mean about the whole “it’s only TV” thing. I get so tired of hearing that when it comes to LGBT people not being properly represented or treated in media. Yesterday was a bleak reminder for me that TV and real life are one in the same reality.

  10. Andrea says:

    I am so sorry for what you are going through! I was gay for several years, and I know that life, people, everything can be so brutal sometimes. In the interest of full disclosure, I am a Christian and I’ve left that life, but I want you to know I’m praying for you- not that you’ll stop being gay or whatever harranguing you undoubtedly have heard too many times, but that you, as a beautiful, special person, wouldn’t have to be afraid because people hate you, that you wouldn’t worry or feel responsible for the terrible, sick things someone else might do, and that you would be able to have peace about the tragedy that happened. And again, I am so sorry for all the fear, and worry, and suffering you are feeling right now.

  11. Gabrielle says:

    I’m gay and I’m so so tired. I’m tired of being constantly on the defense, of being angry at violence and marginalisation against queer people, anti-lgbti laws, lack of representation in media, etc etc. I’m tired and I just want to crawl under my bed covers for the rest of the year. This article speaks to me on a fundamental level, thank you.

  12. LH says:

    You can come over to my house and rest. We got cool dogs you can pet and sheep that you can pet and feed.

    Like, I can’t really stop psychos from being psychos but I can give you soft fluffy things to sleep on. And one day those psychos will stop and you can still have the soft, fluffy things.

  13. Nina Heath says:

    I’m tired also-tired of people being hated because of who they are. Tired of h ate because one group thinks they are the only ones who are ‘right’ and everyone needs to be like them or die. Some of my ancestors were killed just because they were Native American. I am not gay but I have gay friends and family and I know they have had their struggles to be their true selves. The heart loves who the heart loves.

  14. Holly Moon says:

    I’m tired, too.
    I’m tired of people picking one verse out of the Bible and condemning a group of people with it. While they themselves, blithely ignore the rest of those verses, because somehow, their own behavior doesn’t count. And, I’m tired of man’s inhumanity towards man.
    Yes, I’m tired, too.
    And I am not gay nor lesbian. But I am a human. And as a human, I stand with you.

  15. Moe says:

    Thank you for this. I am sitting here in my room and crying.
    I am so tired.
    I live in an Arab country and if the people in the room right next to me find out about me i have no idea what will happen. I know how tiring it is. I fear that question of will i be responsible. You put my thoughts in words.

  16. N says:

    I’m so sorry that close-minded people, religious extremists, and a huge number of people in American society continue to terrorize and vilify you/the LGBTQ community.

    I pray (yes, devout religious person here & NC/GA resident) that you all will come to know the freedom, safety, acceptance supposedly promised to *all* those within the U.S.

    I don’t know you, but can sincerely say I love you and consider it a duty/privilege to educate my close-minded peers and donate my time and skills to organizations like HRC and others working for the equality of LGBTQ individuals.

    I’m sorry you’re tired, please know some of us would love to take/help with some of the burden however we can.

  17. Kristi C. says:

    Madison, I share this with you. I also just wrong a blog post about this today, with a similar subject. I’ve been out since 1992, and I know these feels. I know the disregard. I know the “straight-washing” and deflecting the conversation away from the “gay” thing because it’s uncomfortable for people. I know not to “act” “too gay” in public for fear of my own safety. I just got to watch Hillary, the presumptive Democratic nominee–someone who’s supposed to be on our side–awkwardly say “LGBT” through her entire speech a bunch of times instead of, “Gays. Lesbians. Queers. Bisexuals. Transgender people.” Like we’re Voldemort or something.

    #StopKillingUs #LoveWillWin #OrlandoUnited

    If you;’d like to read my blog post from today: http://wp.me/p7hsc5-r

  18. Howard says:

    Thank you for posting such a thoughtful post. I only wish there were more people like you willing to speak out. I believe love acceptance will always win out no matter with stuff like this. Also to any young readers on this don’t ever be afraid to be who you want to be

  19. Lisa says:

    Reading this made me tear up. My son just turned legal age yesterday and he is gay. And am so scared when he goes out, that something is going to happen to him because some idiot can’t come to grips with the fact that my son (or someone else’s daughter/son) is gay and happy. Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean that you have the right to judge or hurt anyone because of it. What happened in Orlando, truly saddens me and weighs heavily on my heart. I am so sorrow that you are tired, and I can understand why…take care and God bless.

  20. Nagy Kornél says:

    Thank you. Just… thank you for this post. I’ve read some opinions, some articles, but this is the one that I can relate to.

    I feel that you’re tired, I feel that you’re afraid. I am too, and apathetic, but somehow your post made me feel… safer and more comfortable. Now I am not alone with my feelings.

  21. Esther says:

    I grew up in Australia and went to gay pubs and clubs all the time. I never, ever, ever worried about being shot. Never. This country has a stupidly huge problem with guns, and an even bigger one with people who have shitty attitudes about anyone who’s different than they are. We all, no matter how we gender identify, no matter our sexual orientation, no matter our color, or life philosophies, deserve to be safe. We deserve to not feel afraid all the time. I’m sick and damn tired of being afraid of arrogant shitheads with guns.

  22. Duane L. says:

    sitting here watching the cursor flash, waiting for the right words to come out onto the screen, and i cannot find them, yet i feel them quite deeply. i wish i could say SOMETHING, anything to alleviate your worries and fears. i can only say that your words speak volumes. and i can only hope that you can find comfort in knowing that those words are worth repeating, over and over again.

  23. Kristi C. says:

    Madison, I share this with you. I also just wrote a blog post about this today, with a similar subject. I’ve been out since 1992, and I know these feels. I know the disregard. I know the “straight-washing” and deflecting the conversation away from the “gay” thing because it’s uncomfortable for people. I know not to “act” “too gay” in public for fear of my own safety. I just got to watch Hillary, the presumptive Democratic nominee–someone who’s supposed to be on our side–awkwardly say “LGBT” through her entire speech a bunch of times instead of, “Gays. Lesbians. Queers. Bisexuals. Transgender people.” Like we’re Voldemort or something.

    #StopKillingUs #LoveWillWin #OrlandoUnited

    If you’d like to read my blog post from today, it’s at zenofmascara at wordpress.

  24. marie says:

    I am not a writer and i am not a person who often comments on anything but this is something i feel i need to say.

    I am saddened by the fact that you and other members of the LGBT community feel this way. You shouldn’t have to feel afraid or ashamed to be who you are and you shouldn’t have to worry about offending some random person who sees you holding hands or kissing another person. It’s a shame that after how far we have come in fighting for the rights of gay people there are still people in the world like the horrible monster who killed all of those people in Orlando. I am Canadian and I can tell you that we feel for all those who lost their lives, for all those injured and for their families. We also feel for everyone in the LGBT community who are afraid to go out to a club with friends and enjoy being who they are. I am not gay but I have spent many nights in gay clubs with friends having a good time, showing support for pride events and letting my gay friends know that they are loved no matter what their sexual orientation. It saddens me to hear about the horrific acts of hate and it angers me because I don’t understand How someone can be so hateful. In this terrible situation, although I know you are tired of people being treated this way just because they are gay and you are tired of looking over you shoulder wondering if you will offend anyone just for being yourself I want you to know that there are good people in this world who love you for being you. There are people in this world who will stand up for you and stand along side you to fight for the rights every person should have and there are people like myself who treat all people with kindness and respect that they deserve, regardless or race, religion or sexual orientation. I want to tell you that it’s ok to be yourself and to love yourself. We all need to keep our heads held high and not let others tear us down. I feel for you and every person who is affected by this tragedy. It’s a scary world but we need to stand together and let each other know that it’s ok to be ourselves. I hope you will find some comfort in my words knowing that not everyone is a monster. There are people out there in the world who want you to be who you are with, apologies needed.

  25. Hey_zeus says:

    It’s crazy cuz the last part of this hits so close to home even tho I say I don’t care what people say or think of me deep down I know I do and I know people are not comfortable with my lifestyle and dont agree with it. I don’t like to push my views on any as I don’t want people to push their views on me “My existence is controversial. Even though I’m out, I have to be careful about how “gay” I “act.” What happens if I’m at work and offend a customer?”

  26. Selena says:

    I’m so sorry. I’m so far beyond sorry.
    I’m straight, and I’m tired.
    Tired of hearing straight people say, “I don’t hate them, I just don’t agree with that lifestyle,” as if being gay is a choice, or as if it’s okay to force someone not to live true to themselves because they are uncomfortable with it.
    I’m tired of wondering if my gay friends and my bisexual daughter will be attacked when they go out, discriminated against, and be treated as subhuman for daring to exist.
    I’m tired of seeing things like the Orlando tragedy turned into a political agenda and the fact that it’s been shoved to the back burner already that 50 people died because they were gay.
    I’m tired of straight people not acknowledging that hate and violence are something gay people have to worry about every day, and that they’re still not considered truly equal; why else should we have to legally grant them basic rights?
    I’m tired for the human race and the bigotry we keep alive.
    I’m tired, and I wish I could make things right for you. ?

  27. Steinar Eliassen says:

    Fighting is tiresome, and when it is for something that there really should be no need to fight for, having to use energy on the fight gets even more tiresome. I do not want you, or any other gay person, to have to fight. I want you to be able to live your life, without fear, without facing hate, and spend your energy on something else, so that when you get tired, you felt your energy wasted on something you wanted to waste it on.

    I am ashamed of how we straight people often are so fixed on the gay issues, or, rather, the lack of understanding them. Even many who say “I don’t mind the gays”, still use “homo” as a cussword, and feel the need to state “but I am not gay” after stating that “I felt emotional today”

    I have more gay friends than I have straight. I think it’s simply because gay people are more likely to accept me for who I am. To see how they are judged, ridiculed, shunned by family, even in a country that has gotten so much further than the US, sickens me.

    I wrote down my feelings

    http://steinar-eliassen.blogspot.no/2016/05/i-cant-be-at-peace-with-gay-issue.html

    Never stop being you.

  28. Pilar Galan says:

    Each of us has a short ride on this earth and as long as we stay in our lane, and don’t affect someone else’s ride, we should be allowed to drive as we see fit. ????

  29. Chloe D. says:

    Me too. I’m tired. I just want to use the bathroom. I want to get a hotel room with out worrying that I’m going to be labeled as a sex worker.

    *fistbump*

  30. Gillian Moran says:

    I live in the UK but have friends in Orlando. I wanted to ask if they’re safe, but to do so both gives away my ignorance of US geography and of my friends’ sexuality… but the point is, until then, I hadn’t wondered. Hadn’t cared, didn’t care. I have a son who is bi and living with a male partner, and I’m constantly grateful that the worst they come up against is taxi drivers overcharging them.

    This is an awful, awful tragedy and there are no words to make it go away. I hope the day will come when we can all accept each other as unique individuals and nobody will have to hide who they are or live in fear.

  31. amiramidian says:

    I’m tired of people who use religion of any kind or form to make themselves feel better or more important as well as of the fact that this feeling is so fragile, they feel an urgent need to insult or even kill when they feel ‘endangered’.

  32. Kim says:

    I’m terrified. I am terrified for my son, and his boy friend. I’m terrified for my best friends. I’m terrified that my husband won’t want me to go to pride and stand up against hate any more. Im terrified that if I do protest the protestors at pride who are spreading hate my children could be motherless in the blink of an eye. I’m terrified for my children to go to school, or a movie, or to our open and accepting church, or to the mall. And as I sit in my fear I have realized how much more terrifying it could get.

  33. Sarah says:

    Maddison…Thank You. You have used your words to express my world as well. I have shared your post and again…Thanks.

  34. Mommalady says:

    I’m straight, and I’m tired too. Tired of seeing what is happening to the LGBT community (and all the other violence too) I have a few family members and many friends in the community and I worry for and about them all the time. I’m tired of having to worry, tired of being afraid for you all and tired of trying to help others to understand that LGBT people are no different and just want to be treated that way. I’m tired too but, I will continue to stand up with and for you. I will continue to offer my help, protection and love. I’m tired too but I will be here at your backs no matter how long it takes. <3

  35. Gloria says:

    Maddison, I’m not gay. But I have dear friends and loved ones who are. I hear you. I’m sorry you’re so tired. And frightened. I’m understanding more and more. And I want you to know that I have been and will be fighting for you and all my other beloved ones. I’ve felt like God has been teaching me to use my voice for the past few years, and now it’s time to get radical with it. So, rest. Grieve. Please nurture and nourish yourself as well. There are a lot of straight people out here who are convicted to take action. #itstime We love you.

  36. George Bucheli says:

    Beautiful angel don’t be afraid. I am a 50 year old gay man and I have lived thru being homeless as a child because I wasn’t wanted at home
    I have lived through addiction and I have lived through a plaque.
    We are survivors and no one can take that away.
    I am with you and I love you my beautiful sister.

  37. Joe says:

    I am a 72-year-old gay man I will be attending the pride fest in Denver this coming Sunday with my daughter you think you are tired . I’ve been through stonewalling New York to Orlando to days ago it never seems to end but in the long run I firmly believe that things will change and are changing.

  38. Michele says:

    Oh baby. I am so sorry.. Your pain and the pain of others hopefully has awaken that we are all people and humans who have hope, dreams and love like everybody else…. I wish you were not tired ..

  39. emily says:

    I went to a gay club for the first time in my life a few months ago. I went with my friend and her girlfriend, and I was so excited because I’d never been in a place just meant for lgbtq people before. I am 19, I was carded and entered legally with a stamp on my hand. All we did was dance for a little while – the club was barren, we had the stage – and left. All I wanted was to dance, and feel safe, and understood. To be in a place where for once nobody’s assumption would be that I am straight.

    And apparently, I could have been killed for that. Or for going to pride, which I hope to do for the first time ever in August. People say we’re brave for being strong and being proud of who we are in light of all of this. But what other choice do we have? I am gay, and I am proud, but I’m also tired and scared and angry and tired.

    Basically, my point is: this really resonates with me. Underneath all the sadness and anger and fear is just utter, relentless exhaustion, and I don’t see it stopping…

    • Maddison Wood
      Maddison Wood says:

      I hope that you feel safe enough to attend many Pride festivals and gay clubs in the future. Of course we’re afraid, but I believe there’s a difference between being afraid and LIVING in fear. I’m trying not to do the latter. Maybe one day we won’t be so tired, but it’s hard to believe that when things like this happen.

  40. Monica says:

    Thank you for writing this. I myself am at a loss for words, and you’ve explained it far better than I could have. I’m also afraid that my sexuality will compromise the safety of others. But thank you for your bravery in posting this. I just… I don’t know what else to say.

    Thank you again for laying out the emotions I couldn’t put into words.

  41. Sunshine Hauck says:

    I’m right there with you. It’s tiring living in a world where you must balance everyday life, happiness, and fear. Especially when it’s a fear that most cannot understand.

  42. Amaya says:

    I know so many of you. So many in the LGBTQ+ community who are tired, who are afraid, who don’t know what to do or where to go next.

    I am in a straight, cis relationship (though I haven’t always been; I’m a little ‘b’ in the LGBTQ+). I live in a way that is globally considered socially acceptable.

    My fiancé is beyond wonderful, and I love him – and I can share this publicly, I can show this publicly – and not be afraid. I can hold his hand or kiss him and not be afraid. I can even admit to something as simple as knowing and being acquainted with him and not be afraid.

    So many people can’t do any of these things without tremendous fear, and that shatters my heart.

    I benefit from the straight, white privilege I detest the existence of.

    I know I’m fortunate, but I will never stop fighting for the rest of my life to make it possible for MY privilege to be YOUR privilege; to make EQUALITY the true normalcy.

    Big hugs. With so much out there to fear, please know that I’m doing my little part to take at least some of that away.

  43. Maria says:

    As a fellow American, I am sorry that you have to stop and think before you live your life. That’s not what I feel “freedom” is about. I apologize on behalf of the non-LGBT citizens everywhere.

  44. Spacey says:

    I never thought I needed to be afraid of being a demi-homosexual girl because I’m coming out in a time when it’s supposed to be ok for me to be gay. But after the Orlando tragedy I’m terrified. I never would have dreamed that in this day and age, in a country that’s supposed to be supportive, somebody would go on a massacre of our brothers and sisters in the community. In a place that’s supposed to be safe and fun for them. I’ve spent a lot of time being upset and angry and crying over the past few days. But now I’m just tired. I’m tired and I hope I never have to be again.

    • Maddison Wood
      Maddison Wood says:

      I felt the same way when I heard the news. One of the first things I thought was, “But this kind of thing is supposed to be part of our tragic past, not our present.” It was really eye-opening and heartbreaking for me to come to grips with.

  45. Kimberly Emerson says:

    No words can fill the space. I don’t know how to fix the hate, and I am so very, very frustrated and you said it exactly, tired, tired in a way that sleep doesn’t help. But I will pray tonight that you get a good night’s sleep anyway, a good safe night’s sleep with no monsters in your dreams, that you awake to a day with no monsters in the news. That we all do. Deep down, we are all the same in that, needing to be loved, needing to be safe. Tonight I will curl up and cry into my cat’s fur, wondering yet again how someone can be so full of hate that killing somehow becomes right. Tomorrow I will try to put some love back in the world, but tonight I will cry. Again.

  46. 孟祥云 says:

    I am Meng from China live in Chiangmai , and I am sorry for what happened in Orlando, and I am sorry for that you feel tired to all the tragedy , and I am sorry that I can not help people who’s in deep sadness . But I am not sorry to say that I am gay, and there’s nothing gonna force me to change who I am.

  47. Alegra Starks says:

    No one deserves to feel unsafe and afraid to be who they are. I don’t want that for you or for any of my LGBT friends. You deserve to be you, unashamed and unafraid.

  48. Kristen says:

    Greetings! I’ve been following your weblog for a while now and
    finally got the courage to go ahead and give you
    a shout out from Houston Texas! Just wanted to mention keep up the great work!

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